the countdown starts, "Day Seven"

today is the mark of official countdown.
for seven days i'll post on poem or journal entry about my last few days here in CT.
i know my anxiety will spike and i know my depression will hit me harder then you think.


so this day seven.
right now all i'm feeling is i gotta do what i wanna do before i leave. i gotta fuck fuck fuck. yes i wanna boink every dude i had chances with and never acted on. i wanna drink at a bar soon, i wanna make love one more time to my T., i would so love to hug my mom everyday. i wanna babysit my nephew everyday till i leave. right now i'm freaking out inside cuz i'm leaving. 


i know i asked to go back home, i got my wish. i just didn't know i was gonna be hurting like this. all the feelings and all the emotions are effecting me bad. i keep thinking about when i'll see my brother and girlfriend again? will i be old as hell the next time i see joel? what if the next time i see my mom and dad is when they're dead? when i see terrez again what if i'm married? i shouldn't be think about this cuz that's when i have them random tear drops.


what i did today was nothing. i got up and bullshitted with my brother, watched teen mom 2 and jersey shore. made tuna fish sandwiches, i cleaned my room, put my clothes away. i sat on the couch with mom and hugged her. told my dad he could keep the change after he bought my mountain dew. now what am i doing? its only 9:23 pm and i'm sitting her arguing with T, txtn my cousin cuz she's bored, listening to Ciara's like a boy. i have no life what so ever tonight. last night was popping though. i ran 3.2 miles chilled at home with the rents and then i took off with fred for a while. he's a real asshole but sex is great.  my only sex buddy by the way. i just have put it out there that it was the best yet....LMAO!
so lets hope day seven ends great and i wake up on day six happy. =) i'll keep you updated