instant reminders

its just a reminder,
when i walk down this street
ride this bus towards such a place

my pain returns full forced
it doesn't stop and takes my rational thoughts away
older male in the house, i'm out

i seen his face,
think of him with every male i'm with
disgusting feelings and thoughts show

i know its been five years
five years of struggling
its just been five years of haunting

gifts are always nice right?
giving is better then recieveing
then why would you take a gift

i seen your face a couple weeks ago
i went to work panic that you recognized me
thoughts were banging messed up

i talked about you after i gave a gift away
he said he remembered you
said he was sorry it happened

i cried all night
even in my dreams i cried
your face kept appearing

five years later
i'm stronger and very scared
scared of every hello and remark made towards me

five years later
i can say i'm not fully healed
so i'm sitting here writing about it

i wonder if you understand the word no now?
if you think about that moment and regret what you did
i wonder if you still think what you did wasn't wrong

instant reminders
when i'm in a room full of older males i don't know
panic attacks when men hit on me

i am what you would call damaged goods
all because my gift was taken
even with screams of no